…and Grace my fears relieved.

The two followers of John heard him and followed Jesus.  Jesus turned around and saw the two following him. “What are you looking for?” Jesus asked them.  John 1:37-38

This Sunday’s Gospel always catches my heart.  Earlier on in our marriage, my husband and I were experiencing some difficulties.  We had just welcomed our daughter into the world.  She was so beautiful and we both knew she shined with the light of Christ.  My joy was bittersweet.  I loved my time with the kids; with all my being I wanted to be a stay-at-home mom.  Circumstances prevented that desire.  With my dream locked away, days at work filled with guilt.  The ache was almost more than I could bear and the chasm between my husband and I continued to grow.  One day on my way to work, U2’s song “Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For” started to play on the radio.  I sat in the parking lot sobbing, unable to go into the office.  That’s exactly how I felt!  How could I fill the emptiness, remove the sadness from my life?

Honestly, I can’t name the exact day or time it occurred to me, but somewhere in our journey back to each other – back to our roots in the Church – the answer to that song, my prayer, hit me like a lightning bolt.  The reason I had felt so desperate and sad was the result of searching everywhere but the right place.  Or maybe I should say the right relationship. In the next part of the passage in John’s Gospel stated above, the two disciples asked Jesus “Where do you live?”  His reply “Come and see.”  If only I had read and understood this part of the Gospel, maybe it wouldn’t have taken me so long to find what I was looking for.


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